All hell is against you
I am sitting in a park exhausted with the truth I haven’t wanted to be in the word. I love the word, yet, recently I find myself on the outside looking in. I am remembering the joy of being in His presence in this exact city 3 years ago. I’m in Atlanta now and I remember the first college summer that I spent here living alone. It was the sweetest 3 month date with the Lord I can think back to. I spent hours reading scripture, listening to podcasts and taking notes on the couch of the one room apartment. I played devotional videos from the Bible App across the table from me when eating dinner each night. I felt for the first time every thing in my head was worthy of sharing with the Lord so just had to write it all down. I started my first prayer journal.
I was a different me back then. I feel like I was better then than I am today sometimes. I know that isn’t true when I sit back and think about it. After my summer of feasting at the Lord’s table literally and figuratively, I had semesters and summers of great spiritual movement— one running, one learning to walk, learning to pray, another one dancing, and one jogging. My movement turned to stillness and finally resilience. Resilience has not been as glamours as I would have planned it myself. Nothing can deny I am so much different today than I was that first year. Without falter, I get turned around believing it was better then. I’ve been beat up by the world.
My heart was knitted together to share the gospel and it desires to walk in God’s will through everything. I want to see God’s kingdom on earth, ASAP rocky. I want the outsiders to be insiders and know the Lord’s love for them in our broken world. ‘Knowing God’ has been the best gift I share with anyone because it’s not mine to give. Up until this point, I tired to share the gospel first with only natural humanly errors.
Beaten up by sin, lies from the enemy, and brokenness, I had to start championing healing. I had been distraught by my changes in capacity and being alone in my church. I didn’t get to share the gospel the same in quarantine as I had. Something changed in the pause, there was breakthrough, I didn’t have to do anything. I wanted to keep sharing but I had very little holding me together.
There is so much of a difference in wants and needs.
The greatest commandment is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” Yep. Nothing about sharing in Matthew 22. Jesus explicitly says that’s the most important thing for us to pursue as Christ followers. The second is the second. We need to prioritize loving the Lord to sustain ourselves.
No matter what want is driving you at this point or what stage of your journey you are in right now, your needs can be satisfied by the Lord who designed you. All hell is against you seeing or hearing that because it is good. Keep watch and be ready for the spiritual battle happening around you. The Lord has gone before you and is with you!
Written: Aug 29th, 2020
