A Blessing by Song

I believe that God knows everything that is going to happen, and nothing is by chance. He is able to love and meet all His children in intimate relationships. He delights in speaking to us and listens when we call upon His name. 

This global season right now is finishing up the no plan “worldwide quarantine.” In the past few days, the governor of Indiana released that we will be freeing up our restrictions a little, to return to more of a traditional pattern of functioning. Meanwhile, yesterday, there was the release of Jordan Bridge’s song “We Just Want to Be Free”. Perfect timing, I think so!

That’s not exactly the major blessing that I found in the song, but it was an added bonus. 

Quarantine for anyone is likely pretty hard. We don’t like to be told we can’t do things, or we can’t go see our friends (or graduate with thousands of the people you studied alongside for the past 4 years, within a 7-mile radius in West Lafayette, IN). For me, quarantine has felt like an extended weekend trip home, with no neighbors anyway, and a downhill tumble of life-altering emotion-striking events. 

Emotions are my least favorite thing to have as a human. If you have seen Disney’s ‘Inside Out’, I identify with the unhealthy version of the character, Joy. I am either truly joyful, dancing and singing or quietly only appearing to be joyful, ignoring my feelings. 

This downhill emotional journey for my heart was hard. I was painfully tense and stuck just ‘not joyful’. I couldn’t on my own strength be ‘joyful’ especially, around my new quarantine crew. I am number three of 4 children and the only girl that has been “on the team” for my entire life. No way, my emotions were expressed like I should have growing up. I did it to myself. Now, 3 of the 4 siblings, living in my parents’ house and I am (emotionally) broken. 

I told the Lord I knew He was with me and not going to leave me. I also told Him, I wanted to not just ignore the big things. I needed to ‘feel’ like how He had shown me through His son Jesus Christ weeping, at the death of Lazarus. I felt confidence in witnessing to His response and capability to handle Habakkuk yelling at Him when he did not think God had it under control. My courage was protected, and I had a few people in on my reality praying for me. I felt like Ester walking to death, just asking for emotions.

I began to feel. I even cried coloring a coloring book. I tried to ignore God for a day and heard Him the whole time telling me what was true of my heart. He loved all of my brokenness and embraced me where I was. To describe this in a more physical/emotional way, His scriptural truth released real pressure, pain, and fear in little bits. 

The timing of feeling so lost couldn’t be better. I am thankful for the quarantine, daily extra time to not feel the pressure from the world to be places or do certain things. 

I was emotional. I was able to spend time with the Lord more. I had new realities that weren’t changing, even when the world would reconvene. For 3 whole weeks after the few events happened, I didn’t feel ‘joy’ like I had often before. I had happiness and did things I liked, but not like I had when I was able to talk out my challenges with friends or release them during a worship night. 

That was it— worship. My quarantine was missing the similar opportunity to lay my pride down and pick up His gift in the image of a “dead man’s cross and an empty man’s tomb.” 

My church from school, perfectly was having a virtual worship night for the first time. I set myself up away from my quarantine and started the worst evening of emotion, yet, I yelled at God. I was crying during a virtual worship service. Changing pace and ears clearing, Jordan Bridges on the live virtual call says something like “so I feel like sharing this new song with you all, someone I know just wrote specifically for this season.” He starts singing— 

So please, don’t you take away your love from me. Without your love, I feel incomplete. 

For I know, that joy comes after the pain, and there is sunshine after the rain. 

I just want to be free. Free so I can dance and sing. 

We sing, we remember the burning flames, the spirit of peace is giving fear a new name. 

We just want to be free.

Last thing, I wanted was to be without His love. I wanted His joy more than anything and to be dancing and singing again. His Spirit of Peace was giving fear a new name and I felt it. I wanted to be free from the burdens of the world. Jordan’s song was written by the Lord. No way, could we not be serving the same God for Him to be teaching and speaking such similar truths. Jordan’s musical gifts were the vessel for the Lord to meet me where I was. 

A blessing came by song. Praise be to God.